Two Loves, True Love

Sonnenberg Gardens
Japanese Garden, Sonnenberg Gardens, Canandaigua, NY. Photo taken by Holley Hyler.

maybe I met you
and you loved me
within a dream.

maybe that dream
was truer for me than anything
backed by flesh, blood, and bone.

maybe I have never
loved like that
in my waking hours.

maybe your lover and I
do not have to compete
because there is nothing to win.

my love for you does not
become false because I
am apart from you.

hers is not made truer
by the fact that she is
with you.

maybe there does not
have to be anything
wrong about that.

there does not need
to be “another woman,”
a guilty party, a chosen one.

there are only
two souls who love
you deeply, one in

waking life,
one in dreams.

© Holley Hyler | August 2017

Self-Permitted, Empowering Perspectives

You are allowed to distance yourself from the things that deplete you, fill you with a sense of fear or dread, and ultimately do not serve you.

This is not because I said so, or because anyone “gave” you permission. (You never need to be given anything, because you already have all the things you need and the power to create inside of you.) Deep down, you know this, but it’s easy to forget simple truths that are based in love when we live in a world that perpetuates fear.

Which thoughts feel expansive? Which thoughts instill you with a sense of helplessness? Can you put a spin on the helpless thoughts to steer them, even if just slightly, toward powerful? How can you think about this subject differently?

It’s not always easy or straightforward, but it can be, as you get more and more practice.

Often, it’s not black or white.

Distancing does not mean ignoring. It means taking a step back – or however many steps back you need to see something from a different perspective. How can you educate yourself in a way that does not fill you with fear? Isn’t it easier to see which course of action to take from this vantage point? Fear clouds our ability to see clearly and keeps us stuck in a state of powerlessness. In a state of powerlessness, we give up before we start or spin our wheels in a state of “fighting for” but not achieving anything. The focus is more on what is unwanted rather than what is wanted.

I want you to know, there was a time when I processed my pain and healed through my writing. But now, when I talk about a painful experience, I mean to approach it from a place of, “This is what I learned, and now I am thinking about this differently even if the external circumstances haven’t changed all that much.” I mean for my words to empower and expand. Despite good intentions, everyone has a different perspective, and words or experiences that might harmonize with one person’s soul may strike a chord of fear in another. Anything that feels dissonant – you don’t have to push yourself to “tough it out,” nor do you have to bury it and pretend it isn’t there. Ask it what it wants to show you. At first, this process may bring up a lot of pain. As you get practice at tuning into what feels expansive and powerful for you, the pain dissipates.

As you step more into love, others will attune to you and this state of love. Some will respond positively to this change in you, while others may think you’ve lost your marbles or will fall off your radar entirely. Let them go, but don’t feel the need to lash out or have the last word. These are behaviors that will not fit with your new energy and are more suited to the old paradigms that we are slowly but surely, and collectively, leaving behind.

With our love
we could save the world,
if they only knew…” – Within You Without You, The Beatles

© Holley Hyler | June 2, 2017

Cosmic Love

“Why would one split their Soul in two?” she wondered. Her expression was aghast as she considered it – what it meant, how it was done.

“It’s not painful or morbid as it sounds, my love. It is as simple as a kiss. It’s only so that we can merge, to find each other more easily someday, after we have been made to forget.”

“Someday? Where are you going? Why would we forget?”

He didn’t balk at her questions, but was perfectly calm. He was her rock, just as one day, she would become his, for she would remember before he did. “I am going On. You are, too. If we remembered… we would not be able to accomplish all the things we have been called to do. You would not be able to prove your own strength to yourself, if I were always around.”

Tears welled up in her eyes. She didn’t know where “On” was. Wherever it was, it didn’t sound good. Not as good as what she had here, with him. She turned her face away from him until she could trust that she would not weep for him to see. She wished that she could be strong, like him. How could he be so calm about this? Did he not love her as much as she loved him? How did he know that she even had any strength to prove to herself? “I do not want to go On.” I do not know how, she added silently.

He reached out to take her hand. He held her palm to his lips and kissed it. “I promise you, we will find each other again. And again, and again. And then some day, we’ll meet right back at this Star.” They would be different, but in essence, the same.

She hoped he was right. A stubborn tear slipped down her cheek as their lips met, and it was Done.

*

© Holley Hyler | 2015

Unspoken Moments

There are those moments that occur in my life, moments that shall go unspoken because they are too sweet. These are jewels and they are just for me. They are too precious to be subject to the judgments of those who will never truly understand; too precious to be marred by the imprints of another’s words and ideas. You may find glimmers of these jewels in my words and art – reflections, shadows – but the full picture rests within me, in the recesses of my memory. I will sleep in a locked room, alone, holding them next to my heart. There will be no mental chatter, no residue of words that have not marinated in judiciousness. It took me so many years to see that this does not have to be sad or paint a picture of loneliness. This does not have to mean that I am unworthy of a trusted friend. For so long, I gave these gems to others to hold, and they were returned to me with fingerprints and had lost their glints that had once so delighted me. I tossed and turned at night, restless, thinking of the fingerprints, infuriated by them! In my mind, the fault was with me, not for how careless I had been with my treasure, but for not being worthy of the person who could say exactly the right things, the things that would not torment me into sleepless nights. I did not realize that this person does not exist, and will never exist, any place aside from my reflection in the mirror. Hold on to the memories that you love. Search no longer for the person who can hold space for them with you. One day, someone will step quietly into this dance alongside you, and will understand so perfectly that words are not necessary. You will have conversations with them as you gaze at one another, not speaking, but feeling all. But, my love, the more you search and give away in a need for approval, or a need for someone to pinch you to tell you that something is real, the more frustration you create – perpetually stepping backward to resolve these irritations. Be soft, holding your sweet thoughts close. This is how you allow. This is how love finds you. This is how you love you.

*

© Holley Hyler | March 28, 2017