“Why would one split their Soul in two?” she wondered. Her expression was aghast as she considered it – what it meant, how it was done.
“It’s not painful or morbid as it sounds, my love. It is as simple as a kiss. It’s only so that we can merge, to find each other more easily someday, after we have been made to forget.”
“Someday? Where are you going? Why would we forget?”
He didn’t balk at her questions, but was perfectly calm. He was her rock, just as one day, she would become his, for she would remember before he did. “I am going On. You are, too. If we remembered… we would not be able to accomplish all the things we have been called to do. You would not be able to prove your own strength to yourself, if I were always around.”
Tears welled up in her eyes. She didn’t know where “On” was. Wherever it was, it didn’t sound good. Not as good as what she had here, with him. She turned her face away from him until she could trust that she would not weep for him to see. She wished that she could be strong, like him. How could he be so calm about this? Did he not love her as much as she loved him? How did he know that she even had any strength to prove to herself? “I do not want to go On.” I do not know how, she added silently.
He reached out to take her hand. He held her palm to his lips and kissed it. “I promise you, we will find each other again. And again, and again. And then some day, we’ll meet right back at this Star.” They would be different, but in essence, the same.
She hoped he was right. A stubborn tear slipped down her cheek as their lips met, and it was Done.
© Holley Hyler | 2015
There are those moments that occur in my life, moments that shall go unspoken because they are too sweet. These are jewels and they are just for me. They are too precious to be subject to the judgments of those who will never truly understand; too precious to be marred by the imprints of another’s words and ideas. You may find glimmers of these jewels in my words and art – reflections, shadows – but the full picture rests within me, in the recesses of my memory. I will sleep in a locked room, alone, holding them next to my heart. There will be no mental chatter, no residue of words that have not marinated in judiciousness. It took me so many years to see that this does not have to be sad or paint a picture of loneliness. This does not have to mean that I am unworthy of a trusted friend. For so long, I gave these gems to others to hold, and they were returned to me with fingerprints and had lost their glints that had once so delighted me. I tossed and turned at night, restless, thinking of the fingerprints, infuriated by them! In my mind, the fault was with me, not for how careless I had been with my treasure, but for not being worthy of the person who could say exactly the right things, the things that would not torment me into sleepless nights. I did not realize that this person does not exist, and will never exist, any place aside from my reflection in the mirror. Hold on to the memories that you love. Search no longer for the person who can hold space for them with you. One day, someone will step quietly into this dance alongside you, and will understand so perfectly that words are not necessary. You will have conversations with them as you gaze at one another, not speaking, but feeling all. But, my love, the more you search and give away in a need for approval, or a need for someone to pinch you to tell you that something is real, the more frustration you create – perpetually stepping backward to resolve these irritations. Be soft, holding your sweet thoughts close. This is how you allow. This is how love finds you. This is how you love you.
© Holley Hyler | March 28, 2017